Have you ever felt no choice but to resign to your inner demons and just let them have their way after numerous attempts of changing yourself time after time but to no avail? This phenomenon is more commonly prevalent than you might think. So much so that it can definitely be said that every single person goes through this at some point in their life, if not multiple times. Let me ask you this: have such demons hurt your relationships?
Would you like to change that?
Suppose you have a bad habit of wanting to know other people’s secrets. So even though you know that it’s ethically wrong and a violation of other’s privacy and trust, you can’t help but take a quick glance at the mobile screen when your partner is texting, or eavesdrop on the phone call of the women sitting next to your booth in the diner, or in a situation where you find yourself with an unlocked phone unprotected by any kind of password, you compulsively go through the private messages and photos on it. If someone else would do that to you, how would you feel?
Each time you do something like this, you have an immense guilt trip afterward and can’t even look at yourself in the mirror because you know that it’s wrong and you did it anyway once again despite having given yourself lectures and reprimanding yourself for this kind of behavior in serious ways many times in the past. At this point, anyone would feel like they are in an uncontrollable situation and they should just resign to their fate as this is a personality trait so deeply embedded in them that it can never be changed.
This is just one small example of something similar that everyone experiences in their life from time to time. You are not alone in any relationship, but you only have control over yourself and can only change yourself. So this is where your focus should be at, on improving yourself, not the other person.
The good news is that there are ways to counter such unwanted behavior and one rather promising way to fight such impulses and essentially rewire yourself is by implementing NLP in relationships.
What Is NLP?
NLP or neuro-linguistic programming is a study of psychological and neurological patterns and behaviors that are exhibited by humans. These patterns and behaviors are thoroughly studied and understood for the underlying reasons that they exist and NLP aims to reorient or reprogram certain undesirable stubborn parts of individuals. NLP was created by John Grinder and Richard Bandler from California and they combined the concepts of personal development, communication, and psychotherapy to do so.
NLP typically involves using and applying tried and tested methods of addressing psychological issues and unwanted behavioral patterns through the experience of other people who have had the same issues and behavioral patterns, along with finding change catalysts within the patient’s/trainee’s past experiences. NLP has had a large number of cases of success due to which this mode of psychotherapy is popular among the young and adults alike from all kinds of professions and walks of life, where Tony Robbins is the most known NLP practitioner, helping millions worldwide.
Perhaps one of the most interesting things about NLP is its positive approach to the problems it aims to solve. For example, if a problem has been attempted to be solved and it ends up remaining unsolved, the outcome is not considered bad or even good for that matter, but as something like a learning opportunity for further advancement in seeking the solution to that problem.
This principle is becoming even more useful when one is trying to reshape their behavioral patterns in relationships.
Using NLP To Improve And Maintain Relationships
Are you unable to maintain long-lasting relationships for some reason or the other? No matter what you do it seems that even the people you genuinely make a connection with seem to fade out of your life after a period of time. Or maybe you do have relationships with people but you’re not able to feel as close to them as you would like to, you’re not able to have that special bond that you see so many other people having with one another. What can you do to instill this intimacy and joy in a lasting manner?
Is Now A Good Time For You To Create a Long-lasting, Passionate Relationship?
Thankfully, NLP has been known to help such individuals facing similar situations. In fact, there are more than a few techniques and tips that NLP advises such people to follow in order to overcome this obstacle and form meaningful relationships with other human beings. There are so many reports from a large number of individuals who have applied NLP techniques in order to better their ability to form meaningful connections and succeeded in doing so. We’ve mentioned some of these helpful techniques down below and going through them will help you realize why NLP practices and concepts are so wildly popular. So what does NLP say you should do if you want to have better relationships?
Work On Your Relationship With The Self
Often times we don’t realize it but our relationship with our own selves can be highly toxic in a way that negatively influences our relationships with others as well. Some would say that the only successful relationship that you’ll ever need is one with yourself, as an abundance of love comes from within. The way that we approach and treat the self is most likely very similar to the way that we approach and treat others because our relationship with the self lays the foundation for us establishing our behavioral patterns with others.
If you don’t believe it you can spend the following days assessing the way that you are with yourself and the way that you are with others and there is no doubt that you will find many commonalities between the two. The takeaway here is that if you have negative and toxic relationships with other people, you might want to reflect within yourself, and then you might find that you have toxic behavior patterns with yourself. Awareness of this can go a long way because awareness is what gives way to people being able to change.
If you find yourself punishing yourself severely for common and easy to make mistakes, reacting in an overly harsh way to making those mistakes, feeling immense bouts of negative emotions such as guilt, anger, and sadness over the way you conduct yourself, you should strongly consider tackling these issues so as to better your relationship with yourself along with the added benefit of being able to have better relationships with those that you care about as well. Implementing small consistent changes like being more kind to yourself, being more open to forgiving yourself, and more patient with yourself even when you fail are some of the things that will go a long way to the end of harnessing more respect for yourself as well as those around you.
From NLP’s point of view, you need to be nurturing yourself with your thoughts and physical states in a manner that will boost your confidence and self-love. A great step is to write down in a notebook every time you are saying something harmful about yourself. Something that you wouldn’t want your partner to say about you, something that you wouldn’t dare say to your partner. So why are you talking that way to yourself?
Once you keep track of the negative things you are saying to yourself you can actively decide to not only minimize the amount of these negative sayings but to replace them will uplifting positive states about yourself. ‘I’m attractive!’ ‘I’m successful!’ ‘I’m funny!’ ‘I’m worth it!’.
Yes, it will be embracing at the beginning, but it will pay off as you are gaining a massive life changing momentum.
Is Now A Good Time For You To Create a Long-lasting, Passionate Relationship?
The science behind this thoughts monitoring that NLP is relying on, is the fact that every feeling that you have is being triggered by both physical and mental states, and when you are changing the mental or physical elements you are also changing the feeling. And when your brain is getting used to feel in a positive way more often, it gets easier and easier to access this state.
Can you imagine how amazing it would be to feel so uplifted and confident throughout your entire day? You entire life?
Understanding The Way Communication Works
Communication is not just a two-way street, it is actually a multi-dimensional concept that has multiple and varying effects on relationships. It is obviously understood that communication is the key to building relationships, so how can you make your communication skills more effective? First and foremost, you should understand the way that it works.
Communication is not simply what you say to another person, it also includes what you don’t say to another person because when you opt to not speak out, that is also you communicating that you don’t want to speak out on that subject. Non-verbal cues and actions are just as revealing of your communication as verbal cues, and even a lot more. Amazingly, body language accounts for 55% of communication between people.
So when your partner claims that you were not communicating up to the par and you feel frustrated because you feel like you have communicated everything, you may need to take a step back and realize that communication, in this case, is not accurately judged by what you feel you have communicated, but more accurately represented by the person you have communicated with. So in order to get a better understanding of what you’re communicating, you must look at the response that your communication is creating as a result of itself.
When you want to better understand how to communicate with your partner, try to remember your body posture and language in good moments you’ve had. How did you stand? How did you breathe? Where were your hands? In these successful moments, your partner completely understood you – which means that this is a form of physical communication that went well. Can you practice talking to your partner that way more often?
The same goes for your speaking of course, how can you talk to your partner with a tonality and wording that will make them feel loved and special for you, with a tonality and wording that you would feel comfortable and confident with? Can you ‘reverse engineer’ the moments when you had a great conversation together?
Can you imagine how amazing it would be to have all of your conversations like the great ones you had?
Breaking The Cycle Of Behavioral Patterns
Behavioral patterns are the patterns of behavior that one usually employs in their default mode or their autopilot mode. When we are being conscious of our behavior we might be able to overcome our usual patterns of behavior but since most people don’t actively try to be constantly conscious of their behavior and actions (which is understandable, as it is usually a mentally exhausting task), they revert back to the behavioral patterns that they are used to when they go back to their default mode.
These behavioral patterns when producing undesirable results can be quite bothersome for the self as well as to others as it becomes a cycle of repeating those actions, feeling bad about it, and then doing it again to get a release from how bad you feel about it. This is especially harmful when two sets of behavioral patterns coincide which is what happens when relationships form. Stepping back, focusing, and analyzing such kinds of behavioral patterns can work to help give you an understanding of which parts you can change in order to have a more fulfilling relationship with the person you care about.
NLP’s take on that is saying that with enough repetition you can instill within yourself any beliefs, beliefs that with enough repetition are turning into automatic behavioral patterns. What kinds of beliefs do you have rooted within you? Remember, these beliefs are the basis for your behavioral patterns – the ones you want and the ones you don’t want. Now, what kind of beliefs would you like to have? What kind of behavioral patterns would you like to have?
You can literally reinvent yourself, if you choose so.
Be bold, even wild. Unleash the power within.
Would you like to have the best life coach of all times on your side?
